Last week I saw the future, and the future is ROBOTS. Yes, after three years of living in Japan, I finally met my first robot. Let me assure you that it lived up to my expectations in nearly ever regard. ASIMO had blinky lights, wore a jet pack (!), and did the hula in front of a video screen of Hawaii. It kicked soccer balls, shook hands to promote robo-human relations, (however, only with fully-qualified humans– the rest of us weren’t allowed to touch it and were separated by a wooden fence), and so forth. However, I was terribly disappointed in the fact that it didn’t dance ‘the robot,’ nor did it have an awesomely roboty-souding voice. It sounded like the pre-recorded woman in airports who makes announcements over the PA system and tells you that the moving walkway is now ending.

Interestingly, just the weekend before ASIMO, Niq and I stumbled into RoboWorld, a robot shop in the second basement of a ritzy Fukuoka department store. Holy crap! This store was full of robots! Not in the same class as ASIMO, who is cordless and viciously attractive, but beginner robots made for fighting, snuggling, and petting. Robo-Hello Kitty welcomed us as we walked into the store. We could pet a baby seal that would, I have heard, coo contentedly. It was recharging when we visited, as most real-life baby seals do– through the Nuk. There were wind-up robots that would try to punch their competitors out of the ring. There were nurse robots who cared for the sick and elderly. And then there were the fake dogs. Why anyone would want a fake dog is beyond me. The robot makers failed in making it as cute, soft or loving as a real puppy. I suppose if you’re lazy, rich, and an animal killer an added bonus for you would be that you could shut it off and put it under your bed, HOWEVER, I feel most people would be just as protective of multi-thousand dollar piece of electronic as they would a beloved family pet. Can’t leave robopuppy OR real puppy in a hot car. Can’t bring robopuppy to the lake. So have the robopuppy makers gone to such extreme lengths just to avoid the pooper scooper? I believe they have.

Next to RoboWorld is where the real action happens– head-to-head robo battles. By children. I’m not exactly sure when Pinewood Derbys were replaced with two-on-two robot battles, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like where this is going. Overly aggressive parents stood roped off from their robot-engineering children, who were in the throes of a soccer-like battle. I think I may have tipped the scales for brother-sister team, ROBODEATH, by shorting out their competition with my camera flash (I was reprimanded appropriately). And I may have made up their team name.

It has become all too clear that world will slowly be taken over by the children who construct their own warring robots, not by the ones who sit at home after school eating Fruit-by-the-foot and watching old episodes of Full House. So there you have it.

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